Ten Words That Matter: Get to the Roots
Dr. Tom Pace
July 23, 2017
Exodus 20:1-2, 14; Matthew 5:27-30

We are continuing our series of sermons on the Ten Commandments and today we’re talking about “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” If you weren’t ready for that we’re going in order, it’s your own fault! You should have known it was coming.
But it’s interesting. I had a conversation with a woman this week who mentioned that she’s no longer in a church because she grew up in a church and all they did was tell you what you’re not supposed to do.
I want us to not look at the Ten Commandments that way but instead look at them as windows into the heart of what really matters to God. And that’s how Jesus looked at it, and then he added to them, as the Scripture says, “He fulfilled them.”
So I want you to listen now and hear the Scripture both from Exodus and then from the New Testament, the Gospel of Matthew.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away; it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away; it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to go into hell.” Matthew 5:27-30

Let’s join together in prayer. O God, open us up. Open our eyes that we might see, our ears that we might hear and open our hearts that we might feel. Then O God, open our hands that we might serve. Amen.
In 1980 the Oak Ridge Boys came out with an album. They sang a lot of gospel songs, but while this wasn’t actually gospel it was truth. Sometimes country western songs say things in sort of a crass way. I listened again to this this morning and I got a little ear worm going on it. You know how that goes.
It goes, “Trying to love two women is like a ball and chain. Sometimes the pleasure ain’t worth the pain.”
Now I don’t mean to make light of what is a touchy and difficult subject. It can be incredibly painful. But I want you to hold on to that sort of simple phrase, because it is in some ways at the heart of this commandment today.
This commandment, “Thou shalt not commit adultery” just like last week we talked about “Thou shalt not murder” is very short, very simple and very straightforward. In Hebrew it’s only two words – the verse is only two words long. It says, “Adultery. Not.” That’s what it says. “Adultery. Not.” Just like it was “Murder. Not.”
For the Israelites this was a very specific legal code that needed to be followed. Now to help us understand things in context, at the time of Moses this commandment was different for men than it was for women. For a woman, any woman who had sex with anyone other than her husband – even if she wasn’t married – that constituted adultery and was punishable by death. It was just that simple. For a man however, it was different. If a man had relations with a woman who was not married, that was only adultery for her, not for him. Yeah – there you go – a little annoyance by part of the folks. However, if she was married it was adultery for the man as well but not against the woman or against his wife, but against the other man. It was about violating the other man’s marriage that got him in trouble.
You have to understand that this was a time in which plural marriages were common. Solomon had a thousand wives – talk about a ball and chain! He had concubines and wives. So over the years as the culture changed, the interpretation of the law changed.
I think that’s important for us to notice because that happens. And sometimes we think that the law was set and established but the rabbis, the scribes, the prophets would interpret the law as times changed. Once plural marriage went away, then the laws changed so now the rabbis would tell you that any sex outside of marriage constitutes adultery.
So here’s what’s interesting. Just like we talked about last week with murder, there got to be this great debate about what counts as adultery. We still do it today. What about pornography? Does that count? What about an emotional affair that you had with someone? What about if it’s over the internet? What about if it’s sex on the phone? Does that count?
I have lots of people who come and say, “This is what happened in my marriage. Does that constitute adultery?”
I want to say exactly what Jesus said, “You are missing the point. This isn’t about whether it violates the law or not. This is about something altogether deeper.” Jesus calls us to a much deeper ethic. “It’s not just about whether you violate the letter of the law, it’s about all the brokenness of spirit of relationship that leads to and grows out of these acts.” It’s a higher ethic, an ethic that is not just of the body but of the mind and of the heart, of the eye, of the hand. So it’s a higher ethic to which he calls us.
Caroline Cobb grew up here at St. Luke’s, her parents are still members here – Bill and Nancy Cobb. She is a Christian recording artist and if you run into them they’ll probably tell you all about her at length. They’re very proud of her with good reason.
Caroline has a song called “Everything You’ve Heard” and I love the way she puts it. Very straightforward. The lyrics go: “You’ve heard it said, ‘Don’t you murder anyone’ but you carry your anger like a knife and your insults like a gun. You’ve heard it said, ‘Don’t you cheat on your wife but your mind is a motel room and you undress the other woman with your eyes.’ Everything you’ve said I’m turning on its head. I’m cutting to the quick of the law and the prophets. I’m going to finish what they said.”
“I’m cutting to the quick.” “I’m going to the heart of the matter.”
So I’d like for us to look at the heart of the matter. What is this commandment really about? What is the essence of it? Why does this matter so much to God?
And I want to give you four reasons. The first one is this: that our sexuality speaks to the very core of who we are. It’s not just a simple animal instinct or behavior. It speaks to the very core of who we are.
You remember we spoke a few weeks ago about honoring your father and your mother and we said that one of the reasons that matters so much to God is that it’s this foundational relationship. And if you don’t get that one right, it’s really hard to build other relationships on it. So it has more to do with how we understand God and view God and God’s love for us than any other relationship. So it’s really important to get that one right.
I would say the same is true about our sexuality. It aims at the core of who we are. It’s not just a basic animal instinct; it is a window or door that goes into our every kind of heart and soul. Our attitude about this issue speaks to whether we have a high view of sex or a low view. Whether it really is a gift from God that is sacred, that is an amazing and wonderful gift, or whether it’s just a basic instinct.
It says something about our view of marriage. Is marriage just another relationship in a series of relationships? Like the song says, “For all the girls I’ve loved before…” Is it just another one of those or is marriage something that’s sacred in some way? It has to do with how we deal with other human beings. Are they objects to be used? Or are they creations of God to be treasured and valued? And that’s why this is important because it speaks to the core of who we are as children of God.
Second, it’s important because it’s a reflection of and a re-presentation of our relationship to God in Christ.
One of my favorite things to do is when we have a wedding rehearsal, and when I’m feeling mischievous, I print up some of the juiciest parts of the Song of Solomon. You know what I’m talking about – the kind where you go, “I really can’t believe that’s in there!” And I print it out and put it on the lectern and tell the lay reader that that’s the Scripture for the day. Then when they get up at the rehearsal to read it aloud, I just watch them but then I usually stop them when they get partly through. I tell them, “No, that’s not really it.”
So there’s been a great debate over the centuries about whether that is intended to be a statement about a man and a woman or whether it’s a metaphor that focuses on our relationship to God. Between God and us.
And here’s the answer – it’s both. That’s the point of it – that it’s both, that these two things are tied together, and that it’s difficult for one to go one way and the other to go another way. The New Testament refers to us as the Bride of Christ. Paul reinterprets marriage in a really clear way. He says, “You are to treat each other the way Jesus treats us. Your love is to look like the love of Christ for the church. And just as Christ sacrificed himself for the church, you are to sacrifice yourselves for one other. Just as Christ forgives us, you are to forgive one another. And just as Christ accepts us just as we are, you are to accept one another just as you are. And at the same time, just as Christ brings out the very best in us, you are to bring out the very best in one another.” They’re so tied together that a window into how we view marriage, how we view intimacy in marriage, is a window into our relationship with God in Christ. It’s important.
The third reason it’s important is even broader than that and actually I think Julie probably expressed it better than anything. The essence of this commandment is not just about marriage, the essence of this commandment is “Are you going to be a person of integrity?” Are you going to keep your promises? Are you going to be a person who keeps your promises?
That’s sort of basic about what it means to live as a human being. So this commandment aims right at that issue. We’ve made covenants in marriage, and will we keep them?
And here’s the fourth reason and the final reason I think this is so important. The commandments are God’s protection for us against pain, against hurt.
If you read the Old Testament creation story, here’s the way it goes. God creates the man and the woman and he puts them in the Garden of Eden and he says, “You can eat of all those trees. Isn’t that awesome? Look at all these trees I’ve given you.”
So it begins with permission. Then there are boundaries. He says, “But of that tree you shall not eat.” Now when Adam and Eve eat of that tree, what is the consequence? For the woman it’s pain in childbearing, for the man it’s pain in his work. Thorns and thistles by the sweat of your brow it shall produce.
The boundaries that God gives us in Scripture are there to protect us from pain because what’s on the other side of those boundaries is pain.
The great Charles Allen, legendary pastor at First United Methodist Church of Houston for many years, said, “More pain has been caused by the violation of this commandment than any other including murder.” I think he actually said that it was all the others put together. He’s right, I think. It’s certainly been my experience as a pastor as I talk to people. Just the betrayal, the brokenness that results, the consequences. It’s hard. The prohibitions that God gives us are not intended to be negative but to be positive. They’re there for us.
I am now six weeks French fry free. Six weeks with no French fries. I have not backslid, I haven’t fallen off the wagon, and I am French fry sober for six weeks. I know it’s a one day at a time thing. Sin is couching all over, the Golden Arches are everywhere.
Last night we went to Chick-fil-A and hey, listen – I got the kale side salad instead of the fries! How about that? Man, I love the waffle fries, but I got the kale side salad. It actually isn’t bad, by the way.
So six weeks French fry free – you know what, the 11^th Commandment, the prohibition against French fries, is there for me. It’s not there for God. Diet prohibitions, any restrictions on our lives are not there to be mean. We just learn that as we grow up into adults. The restrictions on our lives are there for us because across the boundaries there is pain.
This is God’s protection for us. The Oak Ridge Boys had it right. Sometimes “pleasure ain’t worth the pain.” It just hurts so many people on the other side of those boundaries.
So let’s jump into the last part of this commandment. It says, “If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. If your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away.”
I have brought with me a screwdriver and it’s for eye gouging and I’ve also brought a cleaver that’s for hand cutting. So this will be memorable. We’re going to have a line here of those of you who have ventured out with your eye or your hand…
Now, listen, do we really believe that’s what Jesus meant? Come on! We know better! What’s he’s saying? He’s saying first this is really important, and second he’s saying, this isn’t easy. You need to do some things proactively to keep from ending up in this spot.
So I just want to lift up three of them that come to my mind over the years. Three things – and the first is – stop the train!
I’ve shared this picture with you before and I share it with our Men’s Life group every couple of years. I think I’ve shared it in worship. I went to a sexual misconduct workshop. All clergy have to do that every four years – all United Methodist clergy, it’s part of our responsibilities. Some years ago I went to one of these where they showed a video of a man, a pastor, who had surrendered his credentials, turned in his ordination because he’d been involved in infidelity. He basically told his story honestly – and honestly, it was moving.
He said that there was a woman in his church, he saw her, and her eyes twinkled and he felt that little flutter inside. He found that he would kind of go out in the hall when she was there, hoping that he would run into her. Then they ended up on a committee together. He said, “I can’t remember if I put her on the committee or not.” (Yeah, right!)
Then she became chairman of the committee and they would meet to talk about what was going to be on the committee agenda. He said, “We began to share more than we should. Then before one of the committee meetings in the evening we went to dinner and had a glass of wine.”
Then he stopped and said to the video camera and to the interviewer who was there with him, “By the time we ended up in bed together the train was moving so fast I didn’t know how to stop it.” Then he went on to say, “You have to stop the train when you feel the flutter. Before it starts moving. That you can’t sort of indulge yourself with the joy of thinking, ‘Let’s flirt’ because it’s not adultery. You can’t stop it there because then the train gets moving too fast. Guard your hearts, stop the train.”
Here’s the second piece of advice, take it for what you paid for. Heal the breach. In our congregation there are people who have dealt with the pain of adultery. I suspect this could be a painful sermon for you. For some of you, you ended up divorced; some of you are happily remarried. But some of you are still married and I’ll look out and sometimes see you holding hands together. And I’ll think to myself that God can do a lot of neat things, can do a lot of healing in people’s lives. I’m not saying it will work every time, I’m not saying it’s always possible. I’m not trying to make a blanket statement. I’m just saying that experiencing adultery doesn’t necessarily mean that your marriage is over. It takes a long time to rebuild trust, your marriage will never be the same again. But it could be better. It could be better. Because those things that kept you apart are dealt with and addressed and some healing has happened.
I’ll go a little further on healing the breach and say this. One of the reasons we require premarital counseling for couples getting married, is not that in those sessions – and many of our folks go to the Nick Finnegan Counseling Center where they can do that. It’s not so much that in those three sessions they’re going to have some great information that makes their marriage better or will keep them from getting married if they shouldn’t, or something like that. The real reason is because it sets up an easier movement back into counseling when that’s necessary.
So they know how to make the appointment. They know who they’re going to talk to. They know it’s not weird, they know it can be a positive experience. They’ve got all those things now in their head. So at the moment in their marriage when they feel that bit of dissatisfaction, that little thing that starts to grow, and they’re afraid to talk to their spouse about it because they don’t want them to think that they don’t love them anymore. But it’s there. So they don’t really know how to deal with it, so they’ll say, “Hey, our marriage could be better. Let’s go get some counseling.” To heal the breach means that in everyone’s marriage there are going to be times that you find yourself growing apart. It takes an intentional decision to begin to heal those things that are there, so heal the breach.
Here’s the last one and that’s to just water the lawn. Water the lawn. Jane Green is a novelist, she’s written 18 novels, 16 of which are New York Times best sellers. She tells the story that when she was 40 years old she was married and had 3 kids. She was walking down the street one day and she realized that not a single man on that street was looking at her. She said, “I had sort of a midlife crisis.”
She was going to a writers’ conference in Los Angeles and so she went there, and during the dinner break she was sitting at the bar and here was a younger man, ten years her junior, who came to sit with her. He was also a writer, and was giving a presentation that night. They began to talk and she said she began to feel that flutter, that feeling. They shared things together. And when he gave the speech that night at the conference, he said, “Earlier tonight I was talking to this lovely woman in the bar.”
She thought, “Wow – he called me lovely!” So they began to talk more and more and nothing happened at that conference. She went home to New York, and he stayed in Los Angeles. They began to email back and forth to one another and began to share more and more in that email.
Then another writers’ conference came up in Los Angeles and she said, “I’m going to that conference.” It was on September 4. She said, “Something is going to happen.” So she went and bought a new pair of sandals that would make her feet look sexy. She went home and told her husband, “Hey, I’ve got to go to a writers’ conference in Los Angeles on September 4.” And he said, “September 4? That’s my birthday.” She said that she could feel just sick in her stomach about it. She said to him, “But I have to go, it’s really important to my career.” He said, “Okay, I’ll go with you.” She said, ‘My heart sank. I was so disappointed.” She said, “We went to Los Angeles to the writers’ conference and we actually had dinner with this fellow. The three of us had dinner. And he and my husband struck up this amazing friendship.”
Then she said, “We went for a walk on the beach…” – and this was my favorite part of the story – “…and the two of them were up there fifteen paces ahead of me just chatting up a storm. And I was behind in shoes that made my feet hurt like hell!” She thought to herself, “It bloody well serves you right!”
Here’s how she finishes this story: “That night I looked at my husband with his salty sea-dog gray beard and with his big comforting hands and the way he has brought so much kindness and stability and love into my life. And I felt ashamed. A friend of mine once told me that the grass is greener where you water it. And I had forgotten to water the grass. The next day the friend [that young man] sent me an email: ‘Your husband is great! He is so smart and funny.’ And I thought, ‘Yes he is. He’s absolutely right.’”
The grass is not greener on the other side. The grass is greener where you water it.
Friends, our relationships of all sorts – our marriages especially – are very fragile. And they need nurture and care and investment. Guard your heart, take care of those relationships, keep your promises, and you will enjoy an incredible gift of God.
Gracious and loving God, we thank you for the relationships in our lives that mean so much to us, that make our lives fulfilling. And we know that they’re not easy. There are no simple answers and that there is brokenness in marriages and so much pain comes out of those. God, we pray for healing for those who have experienced that pain and brokenness. We pray for healing in marriages that are struggling. We pray for friendships for those who aren’t married, that they would know what it’s like to be loved by friends. And above all else, we pray that we would have the kind of relationship with you that is full of love, full of passion. We pray in Christ’s name. Amen.